


Mockingbird

by smolheart



Category: Hamilton - Miranda
Genre: Foster Care, Foster Dads!John and Alex, Foster Kiddo!Philip, M/M, Past Child Abuse, Past Sexual Abuse, Philip is tiny protect him ):
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-11-16
Updated: 2016-12-14
Packaged: 2018-08-31 09:31:22
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 6,236
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8573158
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/smolheart/pseuds/smolheart
Summary: Alex and John have wanted to be dads for as long as they could remember, but nothing could have prepared them for what it would be like when they got their first placement as foster parents.
"Right now you have the power to say 'I will not let their story end like this.'"-Anonymous





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> tw for strongly hinted at past childhood sexual abuse, if you would like the chapter without it comment some way for me to reach you & i'll send it over. 
> 
> this is my 18348th try at a foster dads lams story, so here's to hoping y'all like it!

Philip tapped his foot against the floor of the car nervous, picking at the skin around his nails. It was winter, so the sun set early and he couldn't see where they were going. Kitty said it somewhere nice, somewhere better than the placement he had been ordered out of by the police. Although he didn’t truly believe her, he bit his tongue and pretended to be okay. 

After about 2 hours of a silent car ride, he could tell they were pulling into a driveway. He stayed in the car for as long as possible, until Kitty was halfway to the door without him. Running to catch up with her, he froze when she rang the doorbell, directing his eyes on the floor and messing with the strap on his bag. Soon enough the door opened, and he glanced up to meet eyes with his new placement. It was two men, both of them no older than 35 with long hair down to their shoulders. One of them had straight hair tied into a messy bun, while the other had loose curls hanging around his face. The second one reminded him of himself.  
-  
‘He could pass for my own kid’ John thought as he looked at the boy in front of him, squeezing Alexs hand harder than he already was. Kitty had told him he was tiny for his age, but the eight year old in front of him looked more like six. He was scrawny, his eyes sunken in and a little swollen. 

“Hi, I’m Kitty. And as I’ve already told you, this is Philip.”

She nudged the boy forward by his bag as she talked, Philip opting to stare at the ground. Alex took this as a initiative to get down on his level, sitting on one knee.

“Hi Philip, I’m Alex and my husband up there is John. We’ve heard so much about you and we’re so excited you’re here. Do you want to come inside?”

He nodded slowly and walked in, Kitty staying outside and watching him walk in before turning to walk away. John stopped here before she got to her car.

“Kitty, do you want to stay?”

“Afraid I can’t. My number is on his file.”

John didn’t get a chance to respond before she shut the door, and he turned back into the house to find wherever Alex and Philip wandered of to.  
-  
He found them in the living room, Philip sitting on the couch holding his bag to his chest with Alex across from him. He was quiet, turning to look at John doe-eyed when he entered the room.

“Hey kiddo, do you want to see your room? Or we can stay here for a little bit, it’s up to you.”

Philip expressed his answer by standing up and rocking on his heels, looking down the hallway and back at John. They took that as saying he wanted to see his room, and led him down the hallway to the door. 

John stepped back to let Alex walk him into the room, painted blue with planet wall stickers and bedding to match. The little one seemed taken aback by it, his mouth dropping open as he looked around.  
-  
Philip had never had a nice room in any of his placements, they were either too small and cluttered or too big to a point where it was overwhelming. But this, this was nice, nice enough. He knew it wasn’t permanent, nothing was, but it seemed like Alex and John put a decent amount of effort into it. That said, he was terrified of screwing it up, so he opted to stand in the center and just look at everything.

After what seemed like hours, he felt Alexs hand on his shoulder, and jerked away on impulse. He could feel their eyes burning into the back of his skull. _Of course you had to go and screw it up this early. Just let them touch you._

“I’m sorry I scared you, do you like your room?”

_He was apologizing?_ No one ever apologized for making him flinch, not even Kitty. He was given a chuckle or a ‘suck it up’ but never a sorry. Nodding slowly, he turned back to look at the pair and force a smile.  
-  
It was getting late, and soon enough Philip decided he wanted to go to sleep. He waved to Alex and John, mumbling a small thank you before trailing off to his room to change into his pajamas and curl into a ball under his blankets. Alex went up to check on him 30 minutes after he heard the door shut, content to see that he was fast asleep. He looked so peaceful, and he only hoped it would stay that way.  
-  
Alas, it wouldn’t. It was a little past 3 in the morning when Philip was woken up by a damp feeling underneath him. _No No No. Not again, not this early._ He threw himself out of bed as tears welled up in his eyes, pulling the sheet off the bed and balling it up as he tried to make it out of his room as quietly as possible. If he remembered right, the laundry room was across from his own room. He should be able to make it their quietly without problem. Looking both ways down the hall before stepping out, he gulped as he started the journey.

Alex was up, writing as always, when he heard the sound of footsteps pattering down the hallway. John was still asleep next to him, so concerned for Philip, he got out of bed and opened the door. He was right about it being Philip, the boy looking around before opening the laundry room door. Alex made his presence known by clearing his throat, the sound startling Phillip enough to send him backwards to the floor. Even more concerned than he was before, Alex ran forward.

"Philip, look at me, are you okay?”

_He’s gonna find out, he’s gonna find out and call Kitty to take you back. 8 year olds aren’t supposed to wet the bed, 8 year olds aren’t supposed to cry, 8 year olds are supposed to stay st-_

“Philip can you hear me?”

Alex speaking up again drove his train of thought of the rails, tears falling down his face as he forced a weak nod. By now Alex had noticed what he had in hands and put two and two together, his heart breaking at the realization.

“Okay, you aren’t in trouble. How about you go change clothes and I find you a new sheet for tonight.”

Philip wanted to protest, he was bad and dirty and needed to be punished. But he was tired and didn’t have the energy to fight, so he listened and went to his room to change. Soon after he was done Alex came in with a new sheet, and let Philip help him put it on. When his bed was re-setup, Alex sat down and motioned for Philip to join him. He did so reluctantly.

“Has this happened before?” 

A small nod, and a sigh to accompany it.

“Did the other places you stayed at help you?”

He shook his head to that, Alex feeling his heart drop. He couldn't grasp how anyone wouldn’t want to help the sweet little boy in front of him.

“Okay, well John and I want to. If it happens again you come get me or him and we can help you clean up. That sound good?”

A tired nod, eyes fluttering as he struggled to stay awake. That was a good enough answer for now, and Alex helped him get comfortable in bed before going to walk out, stopping when he heard Philip mumbling something.

“You want me to stay?’  
_“Please”_

It was the first time he heard the boy talk, his voice as quiet as a mouse, and laced with exhaust. He shut the door and walked back to his bed, pulling a blanket off his bean bag to wrap himself in. Philip seemed to be content with that arrangement and fell asleep within 5 minutes, Alex following his lead.  
-  
John was confused when he woke up to an empty bed, Alex’s laptop still open next to him. He got up and padded down the hallway, poking his head into Philips door to see if he was in there. The sight in front of him made his eyes teary, Alex curled up, fast asleep, on the floor next to Philips bed. Philip was asleep was well, but his arm was dangling off the bed, his hand holding onto Alex’s. He pulled out his phone to take a picture, before turning to walk out, sighing happily as he shut the door behind him.


	2. Philips File

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this isn't a chapter but it's something i wanted to add that i haven't seen in other foster care fics  
> tw for past abuse

Philip Madison Nevis  
Born January 16th, 2008 to Catherine and Raoul Nevis  
Born at St.Mercys Hospital. Upper Manhattan  
Resided with both parents until 2013, when Catherine passed from cancer  
Following death of Catherine, Raoul became dependant on alcohol   
Raoul killed himself in early 2015  
Philip was placed into the New York Foster System when no surviving relative could be located

Placements since March 2015  
The Adrians, 5 weeks, removed at request of parents  
The Tallans, 2 weeks, removed when home deemed unsafe due to drug use  
The Rodashers, 20 weeks, removed when surviving cousin deemed able to care  
Robbie Nevis, 3 weeks, removed when evidence of physical abuse was found  
The Rodashers, 7 weeks, removed at request of parents when Ms.Rodasher became pregnant  
The Sebinstons, 8 weeks, removed when evidence of neglect was found  
Group Home, 8 weeks, removed due to fighting  
The Edisons, 7 weeks, removed under suspicion of sexual abuse  
The McCombs, 6 weeks, removed at request of parents   
The Hansels, 5 weeks, removed when decided to run away, reportedly due to abuse by older children in the house  
The Greves, 10 weeks, removed by the police department following evidence of heavy sexual abuse occurring to all 4 of the children in the home, combined with physical abuse.  
Hospital, and Kitty Livingston, 3 weeks, removed when foster family found   
The Hamilton-Laurens, TBD

Health Information  
Weight: 47lb  
Height: 48’’  
Diseases and/or Disabilities: ADD, Low Muscle Tone, PTSD, Slight speech impediment   
Side Notes: Undernourishment left long lasting effects, as did being around drugs, and being both physically and sexually abused. Bed wetting prominent. Quiet, edging on non-verbal. Good with signs, but needs prompting.

Other Notes:  
Due to moving around a lot, Philip takes online classes at K12.

Unwanted touch can trigger PTSD episode, can last up to 2 hours. During episode it is advised to not touch him unless he comes to you. He will come down on his own time. PTSD night terrors are decreasing, but still happen. Not fully aware of what is going on when they occur. Same ‘touching rules’ for daytime episodes.

Self Esteem extremely low, desires approval for even the smallest of things. Remembers parents vividly, but don’t mention them unless he comes to you. Needs encouragement to take of himself, in terms of eating, hygiene, and using the bathroom. 

Blames himself for most all of what has happened in his life, in constant fear of messing up. Needs reassurance that you are not sending him away, Should you come to that choice, call me privately and I will take him out for lunch, and then back to the NYF Center.

Strays towards the more feminine side of clothing, but quiet about this due to treatment in past homes over it. Loves reading, drawing, turtles. Attends art therapy at St.Mercys twice a month.

Kitty Livingston, Social Worker  
New-York Foster Center  
Office 7  
230-555-3852

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> next actual chapter should be up tomorrow morning!


	3. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> tw for slurs

Alex was up before Philip, gently letting go of his hand and watching him sleep for a moment before walking out of the room to find John. He found him sitting at the counter, coffee mug in hand with Philips file spread out in front of him. Alex walked up behind him, wrapping an arm around his waist and resting his head on his shoulder.

“Morning sleepy head” John mumbled as he looked down at him, smiling softly. Alex hummed in response and looked at Philips file from behind his shoulder. The both of them had gotten the chance to look at it before, but after what had happened last night it was worth going over again. Except as far as Alex knew, John had no idea what happened last night.

“Did Philip wake up last night?” John asked and Alex nodded, biting his lip before speaking.

“Mhm. He wet the bed and I heard him walking around trying to find the laundry room. He clammed up, but confirmed no one ever helped him with it. How could someone not help him? What kind of people wouldn't?”

John sighed and shook his head, his thoughts matching what Alex had just said.

“People who aren’t us. But he’s with us now, we can do better than that.”

As if on queue, Philip walked into the kitchen as John finished his sentence, rubbing his eyes and pushing his curls out of his face as he walked. He had gotten a decent amount of sleep for saying what happened, but he still looked exhausted.

“Good morning sweetheart, do you want something to eat?”

He only shrugged, staying behind the counter and rocking on his heels.

“I think you should eat something, do you like toast?”

Philip gave a small nod, pulling a hand out of his hair to sign thank you and looking from the table to Alex, as if asking permission to sit down. John stepped away to get a juice box from the fridge, walking about the counter to give it to Philip and motion for him to sit at the table. He did so slowly, sitting on his knees on top of the chair. It was odd sure, but Alex and John didn’t bother to question it.  
-  
After breakfast Philip stayed at the table, drumming his fingers on the wood and looking around quietly.

“Hey Philip? Alex asked as he slid into the chair in front of him, tapping the table to get his attention. He snapped his head up at the sound of his name, his hands stilling.  
“John and I would love to take you out to some new clothes, if you’re okay with that?”

Philip hesitated for a moment before shaking his head, forming an ‘o’ with one hand and slamming it on the palm of his other hand, the sign for money. Alex looked at John to translate, and he walked over to the table to sit next to him.

“You don’t have to worry about the money, but if you want to stay home that’s okay.”

He seemed to think on it for a moment before thrusting both pointer fingers to the side of him, _‘go’_ John mouthed to Alex.  
-  
The trio loaded up in the car and set off to target, Philip humming to himself quietly in the backseat and swinging his legs. Alex looked back at him what seemed like every five seconds.

“He's not going to disappear honey.”

John reached over from the driver's seat and squeezed his hand, Alex sighing and glancing back at him one more time before turning his attention to the road.  
-  
They walked in together, Alex taking of to pick up some groceries, leaving John with Philip. Philip didn’t have a reason to not trust John, but it was the first time he had been alone with him so it still racked his nerves. He followed him into the clothing section quietly. The images plastered on the walls of little boys in monster trucks, roughhousing with each other, made his stomach do backflips. But he couldn’t mention that to John. The Rodashers were okay with it, but when he went from them to his cousin that all went down the drain. He hadn’t bothered to confide in anyone about it since then.  
-  
Philip was uneasy, John could sense it. He had an idea of why from what his file said but he didn’t want to come off too strong and make him uncomfortable. But he would be more uncomfortable if he tried to keep him here. John got down on his level, motioning towards the girls section with his head.

“If you want to go over there we can, I want us to get clothes that you like.”

_“Mr.Alex”_ Philip mumbled, John only giving him a reassuring smile.

“I promise Alex is fine with that too, we both want you to be happy.”

Tentatively, he took that answer and trailed behind John across the aisle, gluing himself to his hip as they looked at clothing.  
-  
After about 30 minutes, Alex was nudging John from behind with the cart. He turned around and kissed his cheek before turning back to Philip, who was still picking out clothes. His choices so far hadn’t been overly girly, just a few shirts and pants, but he looked a lot more content than he did before, and that was enough.

Philip perked up even more when he saw Alex, waving as he carefully put a sweatshirt covered in purple flowers in the cart, turning back to Alex to sign done.

“You got some clothes you like?” Alex prompted and Philip nodded, smiling from ear to ear. He seemed to already be a completely different kid, which melted his heart. Maybe they were doing something right.  
-  
Philip insisted on changing as soon as they walked back in the house, running off to his room and dragging his bag behind him, leaving Alex and John by themselves.

“He’s a completely different kid than he was last night, what type of happy pill did you give him?”

John laughed and shook his head, twisting an arm around Alex’s waist and kissing his hairline.  
-  
The adrenaline from the trip wore off when he was actually changed into one of his outfits, a purple shirt with a black heart in the center with cuffed jeans, rhinestones circling the cuffs. He liked his outfit, and he liked how he looked, but a part of him couldn’t help but feel like he was disappointing his new parents. 

_“No one wants a little boy who can’t make up his mind.”_

_“Man up, you really think anyone is going to keep a queer kid around?”_

_“You trying to be a fag?”_

The words he had thrown at him from various adults in the past ran through his head, tears falling down his face when he couldn’t get them out of his head.  
-  
Alex grew concerned when Philip was gone for much longer than it would take for him to change, and sent John to check on him.

He knocked twice on the door before he heard small footsteps coming across the room, Philip cracking the door open.

“Hey bud, can I come in?”

Philip didn’t say anything, but opened the door the rest of the way to let him in before walking back to the mirror and studying himself intensely. John noticed this and walked over, also noticing the wetness the tears left on his face when he got closer.

“I think you look awesome, purple is one of my favorite colors.” John said as he knelt down behind him, looking in the mirror with him and pointing to his shirt. Philip hiccuped and sighed, looking down at his feet and signing something, more to himself than John.

“If you want to tell me something I’m right here. I know signs because my sister is deaf.”

Philip looked back up at that, putting a finger on his chin and shaking his head before pointing to himself. _Disappointment. Me._

“Oh no, you’re not a disappointment.” John said and went to place a hand on his shoulder, looking at Philip in the mirror to ask for permission. He dropped his hand away when he shook his head, put still scooched a little closer.

“Alex and I are so proud of how you acted today. You expressed what you wanted and got stuff you liked because of that. I know that’s scary sometimes but you did it!”

Philip shook his head, repeating the sign for disappointment and pulling on his shirt.

“You think we’re mad at you because of the clothes you got?” 

A small nod.

“Do you like them?”

Another nod.

“Well then that’s good enough for us, we want you to be happy and if you’re happy in clothes that look more girly that’s okay. Alex and I have a grown up friend that likes girly clothes, do you want me to tell you about them?”

Alex had since left the kitchen to watch from the doorway at this point, smiling to himself as he watched Philip warm up to John.

The boy seemed intrigued by what John was saying, making a quizzical face and biting his lip.

“Well their name is Lafayette, and Alex and I have known them since we were little like you. They liked clothes like you do when we were in elementary school, and then when they got to be bigger they decided they wanted people to stop using boy pronouns because in their heart they didn’t feel like a boy. Does that make sense?”

Philip would be lying if he said he fully understood, but he didn’t want to bug John with questions, so he just nodded.

“And then when they got even bigger they met a man named Hercules and they got married and had a little boy named Georges. Since their heart doesn’t feel like a boy George's calls them BaBa.”

Philip listened intently the gears slowly turning his brain. He didn’t know what his own heart felt like, and not knowing made him anxious, put he pushed those feelings aside. 

“If you want to meet Lafeyette we can invite them over tomorrow? You can meet Georges too if you want, he’s your age.” Alex said as he stepped in the room, Philip whipping his head around at the new voice. The thought of meeting a new adult set warning sirens off in his head, but Alex and John were nice, so they adults they were friends with were probably nice too. Probably. 

He made a fist to sign yes, John translating it for Alex.

Alex smiled and gave Philip a thumbs up, joining him and John behind the mirror.

“Your shirt looks awesome, is that your favorite color?”

Philip beamed at the question, Alex falling apart in the best of ways.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> next chapter: Philip meets Laf. And your keeEYYYS OOHHH YOUR RING OF KEYS.
> 
> i live for your feedback!


	4. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> tw for slurs

True to his word, Alex invited Lafayette and Georges over the next day. They filled Laf in on Philips 'condition' so that they could give a little insight to Georges, and told them what John had told Philip. Lafayette was excited to meet what was described as a smaller version of them, Philip was a nervous wreck.  
-  
Philip was sitting at the kitchen table doodling, wearing a purple sweater with fox leggings, when he heard the door open. He also heard a few voices, John and Alex greeting who he assumed to be Laf and Georges. His nerves continued to build up as he heard them walking into the kitchen. 

The next time he lifted his head, the person he assumed to be Lafayette was in front of him. To say he was blown away was understatement. Lafayette had on a baby pink top with black sleeve cuffs with a floor length black maxi skirt, it nearly tripping them up as they walked over. He had never seen anyone that looked like that before, tall and muscular but wearing clothes his mama would wear. 

“Hello amour, Alex and John have told me so much about you.”

Lafayette said as they knelt down in front of him, Georges standing off to the side talking to John about something. 

Philip wanted to say something to them, he wanted to compliment their outfit and say that's what he wanted to be, but he could only bring himself to stare at them doe eyed. By now Alex has come over, smiling down at the pair. 

“Do you want to say something Philip?”

Lafayette smiled warmly at Philip before looking back up at Alex. 

“I think their heart is speaking for them.”  
-  
By now John had come over with Georges. He was spitting image of Lafayette, only his poofy hair was tied back with a blue bandana. 

“Hi I'm Georges and my baba said you don't talk that much but that's okay. They said you can talk with your hands but I dunno how to do that...” 

Georges rambled on, throwing his hands around and tapping one of his feet. Philip hung onto his every word, intrigued by his energy. When he was done he reached forward, making eye contact before taking his hands. He moved his hand into each letter of the word Georges, slowly enough for him to understand what he was doing. When he finished spelling it out, he walked in through it again before prompting him to do it on his own. Georges went through slowly, but he did it and both boys beamed. Philip signed his name back to him before linking both of his own pinkies together, mumbling “friend" just loud enough for him to hear. 

The adults just stood back and watched, their hearts feeling as though they might burst open with pride. Lafayette leaned closer to John and Alex. 

“Do you think I could steal Philip away for a minute? If he doesn't want to that's okay but if me talking to him on my own would help with what you mentioned...”

John looked at Alex, who nodded before kneeling down next to Philip. 

“Hey bud, are you okay if Lafayette takes you somewhere to talk with him for a minute, alone? If it makes you feel scared you don't have to, they won't be mad.”

Philip thought on it for a moment before signing 'J' and motioning to John with his head. 

“You want John to come?”

Philip nodded and bit his lip, scared he had made Alex upset by not wanting him there. Alex only smiled, telling Georges he wanted to show him something in his office. Lafayette, John, and Philip went off into the living room.  
-  
“Your da-John told me what he talked to you about yesterday, do you remember that?”

Philip nodded and trained his eyes on the carpet, picking at the skin around his nails. John was sitting next to him on one couch, Lafayette sitting on the other one. 

“Okay, he didn't tell you I was in foster care like you, did he?”

Philip looked up at that, shaking his head. John had failed to mention that, and he couldn't mask his interest. 

“Well I was. My mama and dad died when I was little so I moved all the way from France to here. I was in foster care for a long time and a lot of people weren't very nice. But then I got moved to one family that ended up being really nice. I stayed there for a long time and they ended up adopting me.”

_No one wants to adopt a faggot_

His cousins words rang through his head at the mention of adoption. The Rodashers were going to adopt him, but his cousin only laughed at that. He ended up being right, the family changing their mind when the wife got pregnant. 

“Philip you still here?”

He heard Johns voice and blinked rapidly to snap himself out of his daze, nodding as he looked back at Philip. 

“I know John told you that my heart doesn't feel like a boy. It doesn't feel like a girl either, so that means I'm non-binary. Do you understand that?”

Another nod. 

“You can still feel like a boy in your heart and wear girly clothes, and that's okay. But if you're ever confused about what you feel John and Alex and me are all here for you. Okay?”

Philip mumbled something, John surprised he was using his voice at all. He looked down at him and prompted him to speak up, Philip biting his lip before talking again. 

“I dunno how I feel”

“And that's okay. Being confused is scary but it doesn't mean anything bad.”

“O...okay“  
-  
They went back out into the kitchen and ate lunch as a group, Georges trying to figure out more hand signs as he ate. Philip watched, jumping in to guide him every once in a while. After lunch they said their goodbyes, Philip admittedly a little sad to see them go. He thought about what Lafayette had said for the rest of the day, and long into the sleepless night that followed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm baaaccck. I had a deadline for a playwright contest + I was busy with school but I'm good now so expect updates about twice a week. I LIVE for your feedback! Come talk to me on tumblr, my user is jdotlarson (:
> 
> I saw Great Comet on Broadway yesterday and it was the best thing I've ever seen. go see it. Now. Run. 
> 
> Next Chapter: You thought it was going to be happy dandy from here on out? Well I'm afraid you thought wrong.


	5. Author Note/Tumblr Self Promo

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> the next actual chapter should be out tomorrow but please read this!

Hi all! I'm so glad you're liking this story as much as I'm liking writing it. The feedback has encouraged me to come back to tumblr, except I forgot the password to my old one (fn-hamilton and molliewritesfic). My new one is jdotlarson and as of right now it has 3 followers, and my old one had almost 700 so please help me get back up there! While you're there come talk about this story in my ask box or message me (: 

:* -Mollie


	6. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> tw for abusive parents

John and Philip were fine when Alex left for the store, Philip playing in the living room while John got some cleaning done. But when he came home it was a different story. John was pacing around the room on his phone, visibly agitated. Philip was standing in the door way to the living room, and ran to Alex as soon as he saw him. 

He moved his hands rapidly, explaining that John had been yelling in Spanish to someone on the phone. _His Father_

Alex heard the click to signal he had hung up, and John looked like he might cry. Philip gave him a confused look. 

“Can you go watch TV for a little bit while I talk to Alex? I promise you don't need to be worried.”

Philip took off and closed the door behind him, leaving Alex and John alone in the kitchen. 

“Your dad?”

John nodded and sighed, shifting a little when Alex wrapped an arm around him, kissing his temple. 

“What'd he say?”

“Somehow found out about Philip. Well, he thought I had a child with a girl. Thought I 'shaped up'. He was sorely disappointed to learn the truth.”

His voice cracked as he spoke, Alex rolling his eyes at the mere thought of Henry but dropping the attitude when he realized how upset John lookked.

“But he still wants to meet him and he won't take no for an answer. You know damn well the Philip he thinks he'll be meeting isn't the one we know. We're supposed to protect him.”

Alex nodded, running his thumb over his knuckles. 

“Is he coming over?”

“He invited himself over on Saturday, says he has some meeting in the area. I don't want him anywhere near here but I can't do anything without him pulling financial support. If we don't have that support we won't be able to keep Philip around.”

“Don't be sorry, he's a dick and it's not your fault. If he says or does anything to Philip we'll take care of it then. Do you want me to talk to him?”

“Please”

Alex kissed him on the cheek before walking into the living room, sitting down next to Philip, who was playing with Littlest Pet Shop on the floor.  
-  
“You know how you said John looked upset when he was on the phone?”

Philip looked up and nodded, holding onto a small ladybug toy. 

“He was on the phone with his dad. Johns dad isn't very nice. He did a lot of bad stuff to him kinda like what people did to you. And he's coming over on Saturday because if John doesn't let him a lot more bad stuff will happen and he's scared of him. Neither of us want him here but we don't have much of a choice. Do you get that?"

He got it perfectly fine, understanding full well what consenting to something out of fear felt like. 

“He might ask to see you, and that's your choice to make. If you want to stay in your room that's okay. If he says or does anything to you that we don't see you need to tell us. Okay?”

Philip nodded and bit on his lip, a million thoughts running through his brain at once. He tapped Alex's shoulder and motioned to his own clothing, which was currently gold heart leggings and a black lace bottom sweater.

“You wear what you want, if he says anything about it he's gone.”

He seemed to, hesitantly, take that for an answer, going back to playing with his toys as Alex left. John was sitting at the table, resting his head on his hands on the verge of tears. Alex sat down next to him, moving his hands and shifting him so his head was resting on his shoulder. John sighed, squeezing his eyes shut to keep himself from crying. 

“Why are you crying honey? Philip's okay, he understands.”

John shook his head, pulling back up and running a hand through his hair. 

“I'm scared I'm turning into him, my dad.”

“What? You're nothing like him, what makes you think that?”

“I get agitated easily. I snapped at Philip when I stepped on one of his toys and he flipped out. I find myself wishing he would just talk when he's upset because even though my sisters deaf and I understand sign language he's not great at it.”

“John sweetheart, those things make you human. You comforted Philip through his panic when you snapped at him and he forgave you. You want him to talk because you want his life to be better. You're a good dad, Henry isn't.”

Alex wrapped an arm around him and kissed his forehead, John sighing and letting himself be taken in his embrace. Maybe everything would be okay.  
-  
Saturday rolled around faster than they wanted it to do. Henry showing up a little after noon. Philip opted to stay in his room, Alex giving John one last affirming kiss before they went to answer the door.  
“Jack, it's good to see you.” Henry spoke, John squeezing Alex's hand harder than he already was. Maybe if he was lucky enough the floor would open up and swallow him. 

“Come in Henry” Alex spoke for him and ushered him into the house, leading the trio into the living room. It wasn't until now that he realized how /lived in/ it looked. Coloring books sat in stacks on the coffee table and there were Littlest Pet Shop toys scattered around on the floor. It felt comforting. 

Henry seemed to be judging every aspect of the room, picking up a /Flowers and Fairies/ coloring book up off the table and chuckling. 

“Forgive me if I heard wrong, but I thought you had a son?”

“You heard nothing wrong, we have a foster son and his name is Philip.” John's voice shook with every word but he made it through the sentence in one piece, Alex sending him an affirming smile. 

“Surely he's here right now, let me speak with him.”

It took all of Alex's willpower not to say "I think the fuck not", but he calmed his tone and said that they would go see if he wanted to see him, and for him to stay put.  
-  
As they thought, Philip wanted nothing to do with Henry, and they couldn't blame him. Henry however, very much could. 

“He's my grandson, even if by homosexual nonsense he is yours so he is mine. I must see him.”

His tone grew more insistent, and Alex could tell John was beginning to panic. He leaned over and wrapped an arm around his hip, dropping his head to whisper in his ear. 

“Say you need to check the mail. Take your time.”

John nodded and leaned into him for a moment before standing up. 

“We're expecting papers about Philip, I'm going to check the mail.”

He trained his eyes on the floor, Henry raising an eyebrow. 

“Hurry back then my boy.”

John wanted to vomit right then and there, but he walked out the door and ran down the stairs to a trash can instead.  
-  
Alex would rather be anywhere than alone with Henry, but he would do anything for John. They sat in awkward silence for a few minutes before Henry excused himself to the bathroom, Alex glad to get him out of his hair.  
-  
John returned almost as soon as Henry walked out, his face still red from throwing up. 

“Where's my dad at?”

“Bathroom”

There was a silence for a few seconds before both Alex and John both realized the same thing, at the same time. Alex had said Philip wanted to stay in his room and Henry said he was going to the bathroom. 

The both of them ran up the stairs and down the hall to Philips rooms horrified when Henry was indeed in there. 

“Your dads are turning you into a sissy, why do you don't tell them you want to spend the day with grandpop?”

John saw Henry grab his shoulder and Philip shoot back against the wall, looking at him doe-eyed on the verge of tears. 

“Stay the _FUCK_ away from my son.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hello, hope you enjoyed! i live for feedback :)  
> tumblr: jdotlarson

**Author's Note:**

> i LIVE for your feedback!!  
> next chapter should be up late late tonight or tomorrow morning


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